Pieces of A Dream

I haven't talked about heart failure in a minute because I have been dealing with the loss of my niece Shannon. Her life was so pull of potential. I saw so much of her tenacity in myself. If I was bound and determined to do something I was just going to do and damn what anybody had to say. I loved drinking, smoking and partying. I was wrecking my body in the long run, I may have very set the stage for what has happened to me so I accept the part I played in my own life. Oh, I'm sure genetics played a role too, but I wonder how much of my mother's heart failure was due to years and years of abuse to her own body. I don't know if I will really ever have the answers for why any of this happened to me. It's harder now to lose the weight. I can no longer take supplements to help. Buying anything over the counter could have serious repercussions for me. I am not allowed to do the things that I feel are beneficial to me, but going against why my doctor tells me is also the very nature of who I am. I bucked at authority all my life. If I didn't get the answers that made me satisfied I often did the exact opposite. I had to learn the hard way to stop living like that. I have to ease my way back into my own life now piece by piece.