I spent some much needed time with my family and did a lot of reflecting on my life and how some real reckless decisions altered my life in a major way. For years I allowed myself to be the other women in a man's life. Oftentimes without my knowledge. My sister once asked me why did I put up with such behavior, and my responsive to her was often on the defensive to protect what I thought was mine only to find out later that I like so many others was one of many. Never would be given the title of wife or girlfriend, but when you were angry and needed a shoulder to lean on or to buy the kids birthday gifts and let you sign the card like you were the one who had gotten them the gift, and received no thanks or accolades from the other party because I could not see the look on their face when they opened MY birthday gift or MY Christmas gift......no it was not my place......I was the other woman. I put up with the jealous antics when one child that was so close to you said to you, She is MY best friend and I love her.....you had the nerve to be hurt, so I bowed out and tried to give you the space with your children.......I had to......I was the other woman.......Not once did it matter that I was in love with you too......You knew I would NEVER ask you to CHOOSE ME, LOVE ME, BE THERE FOR ME when I Needed you.......Oh, no, I dare not, I was the other woman. For seven weeks I carried his child only for it to be lost to me and I never got an I'm sorry.......It wasn't my place because my life with you was just that......MY life with you and it was my life as the other woman that taught me to want and DESERVE better, my momma didn't raise me to be this kind of woman to settle for another woman's man, but my heart wanted what it wanted, even though I should have left once I found out I was the other woman, but why was my love different from hers why couldn't I be the girlfriend? Looking back on all of it. I know I cried a many of days asking myself that question. He came into my life to teach me to LOVE ME and not give him that power. He was the culmination of every bad relationship I had ever had and it reached a fever pitch in 2005 when I willingly went along with him sleeping with me and my friend. It went all down hill from their. My young nephew lost his battle four years before that and my life was on auto-pilot and I said if I ever got another chance with him, I was not going to let anyone or anything get in the way of that. My nephew fought for his life and here I was being reckless with mine. GOD in heaven knew I was not going to stop seeing him, and I cried and prayed and asked GOD to forgive me for the things I had done with my life and I knew I needed his DIVINE intervention to shake me up. I nearly lost my life two years ago, so this upcoming birthday is sort of bittersweet for me. I learned to let go because I was tired of being the other woman. It's no life that any woman should have to live, but remember it's of your own making. I make an open apology to those women we both hurt with our careless actions and secret meetings, for that I am truly sorry.
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