When You Became "That Guy"
He is an Alpha Male and in being such he will not allow you to be with more than just him. His ego is very fragile and he cannot fathom the things you do with him being done with another man.
He would often times tell me what he disliked about each woman he was dealing with and always in the back of my mind I would think, wow, if he is talking about these women to, what must he be saying about me to them?
It's sad to know that you as a man don't think yourself capable of being with one woman, that would be too much like right. You know then that your true nature would be found out and then she would see that you really aren't worthy to have her. She would then realize that everything you have is because some woman gave it to you.
You have never worked for anything substantial in your life. The cars you drove a woman bought it for you. The very house you live in belonged to your grandmother another woman. The only thing you have done right in your life is create children that love you, but in that love they have seen you be abusive to their mothers and mess their lives up.
If you could stand on your own merits and truly be a man with some character and conviction it may surprise you, but you're just ok with things being handed to you by women, and in my eyes you will NEVER be a man, you will always be that guy, a coward. One who hides behind a false bravado to lessen who you really are.
You have conducted your life in such a mediocre way. Each one of us to some degree has tried to get you to live up to your potential, but you have bucked and balked at the very thought of actually doing some good work in this life.
I remember when you would put me down for trying to get my college degree, and here you were just a guy who barely made it out of high school. How dare you try to downplay my achievements when you yourself wouldn't even put forth the effort to try.
If it didn't involve fucking and driving fast, there wouldn't be too much to you. What kind of man gets off on making a woman feel bad for the TV shows she's watching? Where do they do that at? Or, for the way they eat a sandwich? Are you kidding me? Then it finally clicked. This man really dislikes you, but he was too chicken-shit to say it out right, instead he takes pot shots at you and tries with all his might to break you down.
He sees women as wild stallions and need to be broken, instead of the treasures that they are. God gave him 5 little women in training for him to get it right, but instead, he relishes the fact that two of them are just like him. You should want your children to be better than you were, not aspire to be the biggest whore or the baddest criminal they can be. Is that really the legacy you want leave them with?
Your cousin warned years ago that Tony will just mess up your life. He is abusive and he uses women, but would I listen? No, I thought he was just being a hater based on the things you told me, but the longer I stayed the more I saw that he was absolutely right about you.
I understand the part I played in this whole entire scenario, but part of growth is having the capacity to admit you were wrong,and try to make amends for what you have done.
I will forever be changed for the rest of my life for placing my love in the wrong hands. That is one of those hard lessons you learn.
Should you expect more from yourself, absolutely you should want to be more than just "that guy".
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