Speaking Things Into Existence
There are times when you have to take your own personal inventory. Not once but several times over the course of your life. For starters as we age and progress through this life our priorities change. The things that mattered to me when I was a child are not the same things that mattered to me as a teenager nor when I became an adult.
Having a new set of experiences during those times most definitely reshaped the things that I cared about. Of course there will always be those core things that will always be the mainstays in my way of thinking, those are just hardwired into my DNA.
My true nature has always been to worry excessively about things. Most born under my zodiac sign will attest to that fact.
Most Virgos are headstrong and willful. If someone cannot give us a valid reason for why we should not do something, that is as good as saying, "go ahead and do it".
When I first began this experiment in breaking my own heart with Tony it was the culmination of a girlhood crush that had finally come to fruition. Let me tell you in teenage years that was a lifetime.
Part of it being a crush and realizing that it really wasn't all it was cracked up to be and when you find yourself with a conundrum and you really don't know how to let go of it when all the pieces of the puzzle are there, but they don't fit your schematic. You can't build a life on somebody else's foundation. Your blueprints will not work there. Modifications have to be made and when that happens, it is no longer your original plans, its just an addition into an already complicated scenario.
I set myself up to be hurt by this man. When we first got together he was going through it with Tasha and I being the rescuer asked him point blank "why stay in a relationship when you're not happy?" The writing was already on the wall.
He had already been a hard core half in half out in any relationship. He has never fully committed to one thing or another. If it doesn't serve his purpose, it's on to the next thing.
Countless people tried to tell me he was no good for me, but I just wouldn't listen. They didn't see the Tony I saw when it was just us by ourselves, but when a person has mastered the art of charades it just becomes second nature to them.
At the end of the day, I chose to get involved and that all but ensured that I would get hurt in this scenario. You cannot change a man like him who has already laid the ground work for years. It's hard to miss what was never your to begin with. You were just borrowing bits and pieces of someone else's life.
My whole premise for my blog is called "The Face of Heart Failure", as I delve into more of just the physical aspects of dealing with my illness I also took on the other life altering things that have happened to me.
In doing so I may have unleashed the greater harm to myself by speaking those things into existence.You really do have to speak words of encouragement to and for your life.I will use my words and my experiences to help others. This was the premise all along, it just took me a while to get back to it.
This is how I want to be seen now. Moving past old hurts and that means making amends with my past. I will not let it keep drowning me. Coming up for air was the best thing that I could do. I threw my own self a life preserver.
Having a new set of experiences during those times most definitely reshaped the things that I cared about. Of course there will always be those core things that will always be the mainstays in my way of thinking, those are just hardwired into my DNA.
My true nature has always been to worry excessively about things. Most born under my zodiac sign will attest to that fact.
Most Virgos are headstrong and willful. If someone cannot give us a valid reason for why we should not do something, that is as good as saying, "go ahead and do it".
When I first began this experiment in breaking my own heart with Tony it was the culmination of a girlhood crush that had finally come to fruition. Let me tell you in teenage years that was a lifetime.
Part of it being a crush and realizing that it really wasn't all it was cracked up to be and when you find yourself with a conundrum and you really don't know how to let go of it when all the pieces of the puzzle are there, but they don't fit your schematic. You can't build a life on somebody else's foundation. Your blueprints will not work there. Modifications have to be made and when that happens, it is no longer your original plans, its just an addition into an already complicated scenario.
I set myself up to be hurt by this man. When we first got together he was going through it with Tasha and I being the rescuer asked him point blank "why stay in a relationship when you're not happy?" The writing was already on the wall.
He had already been a hard core half in half out in any relationship. He has never fully committed to one thing or another. If it doesn't serve his purpose, it's on to the next thing.
Countless people tried to tell me he was no good for me, but I just wouldn't listen. They didn't see the Tony I saw when it was just us by ourselves, but when a person has mastered the art of charades it just becomes second nature to them.
At the end of the day, I chose to get involved and that all but ensured that I would get hurt in this scenario. You cannot change a man like him who has already laid the ground work for years. It's hard to miss what was never your to begin with. You were just borrowing bits and pieces of someone else's life.
My whole premise for my blog is called "The Face of Heart Failure", as I delve into more of just the physical aspects of dealing with my illness I also took on the other life altering things that have happened to me.
In doing so I may have unleashed the greater harm to myself by speaking those things into existence.You really do have to speak words of encouragement to and for your life.I will use my words and my experiences to help others. This was the premise all along, it just took me a while to get back to it.
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