Fear is a very powerful emotion. Especially when the unknown is just that one uncertain thing that can often cripple you in your decision making and fear will lead you into situations that you normally would not have been in like a horse running towards a burning stable. Fear lead me into a marriage. Fear of being alone and thinking no one would want a sickly woman who can no longer do certain things like I used to. It was that same fear that made me doubt my self-worth and who I was as a woman. I allowed a man I was seeing to treat me with the utmost disrespect while I was seeing him. I was the other women in his life and it was because I had fear in being without him kept me in bondage in a destructive and dysfunctional relationship that was one sided. I allowed him to sleep with a friend of mine hoping to strengthen our bond, but it tore down my long standing relationship with the woman. I got rid of anyone in my life that was not on board with my relationship with him and again it goes back to fear. I even allowed him to come back into my life while my marriage was in shambles and that too was due to fear. He was familiar to me. I had to muster the courage and the strength to get over that fear of not having him in my life and understanding that I am worth more and that I am much better without him. I didn't need him to complete me. I was already complete without him and I enhanced his life while he kept chipping away at my self esteem. I had to remove him from my life order to see that it's better without him.
Comments