After The Rain
I was diagnosed in April of 2009 with Congestive Heart Failure. I was 39 years old. I don't know who cried more, my sister Sandra or me. To be honest. I half expected the doctor to come back with a whole host of things, but never heart failure. My mother has congestive heart failure and she is 70 years old and in frail health. I am severely overweight at that time I was admitted I weighed in at 407 pounds. That was the biggest I have ever been in my life. The doctor said that my kidneys were shutting down and my heart was only functioning at ten percent. He also said that when they see people who's heart is functioning at ten percent they are dying.
I was preparing myself to say goodbye. I called my God-daughter Toni to say goodbye to her and to make her promise not to tell her father, which she did anyway. I asked my sister not to tell anyone with either. I just wanted to go peacefully. It took them 12 hours to get me admitted and they put me up on the cardiac floor. I could hear them whispering at the nurses station. "oh my God, she's so young. Believe it or not for the first time in months I was able to sleep, but that was due to all the narcotics they gave me. I had I.V's running up both my arms and they had me on this super powerful diuretic called "Bumex" when I tell you how powerful it was, I had to end up using a catheter there was so much fluid. During the first three days in the hospital they took 57 pounds off of me. I had lost a total of 100 pounds by the end of 2009. I was afraid of everything. I was scared of sex because I didn't know if I was going to go into full arrest and I know nobody I know knows CPR. I had to stop working because of the meds and sleeping all the time. I got married but that turned out to be a disaster. I gained back 67 of the 100 I lost but now I'm down to 352 on my last doctor's visit He prescribed a nerve pill for me because he could not get my pulse under control. The real truth of the matter is I'm a very high strung person by nature. I tend to dwell of things and that's no way for me to be, but each and every time I go I think they will find something else. It is a constant struggle to find a way to stay positive about all this. I pray the Lord God heals my broken heart in more ways than one.
I was preparing myself to say goodbye. I called my God-daughter Toni to say goodbye to her and to make her promise not to tell her father, which she did anyway. I asked my sister not to tell anyone with either. I just wanted to go peacefully. It took them 12 hours to get me admitted and they put me up on the cardiac floor. I could hear them whispering at the nurses station. "oh my God, she's so young. Believe it or not for the first time in months I was able to sleep, but that was due to all the narcotics they gave me. I had I.V's running up both my arms and they had me on this super powerful diuretic called "Bumex" when I tell you how powerful it was, I had to end up using a catheter there was so much fluid. During the first three days in the hospital they took 57 pounds off of me. I had lost a total of 100 pounds by the end of 2009. I was afraid of everything. I was scared of sex because I didn't know if I was going to go into full arrest and I know nobody I know knows CPR. I had to stop working because of the meds and sleeping all the time. I got married but that turned out to be a disaster. I gained back 67 of the 100 I lost but now I'm down to 352 on my last doctor's visit He prescribed a nerve pill for me because he could not get my pulse under control. The real truth of the matter is I'm a very high strung person by nature. I tend to dwell of things and that's no way for me to be, but each and every time I go I think they will find something else. It is a constant struggle to find a way to stay positive about all this. I pray the Lord God heals my broken heart in more ways than one.
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