The Day is Starting Already

Woke up this morning about 3:02am worried as usual about bills and paying for medicines and just keeping my head afloat. One of the hardest adjustments to having heart failure is being able to support yourself. I am a nursing assistant(non practicing) by trade. That was one of the proudest moments in my life when I completed the program and had graduation. I was going to be one kick-ass nurse. Then, the bottom fell out. I suffered a back injury from having a patient fall on me and we went over in a wheel chair. I wet out on Workman's Comp for over a year. My back has never been the same since. This blog is very therapeutic for allowing me to share my thoughts about how my illness has impacted my life. I had taking to nursing like a duck takes to water. I thought I would always have that. Funny how the plans you make for your life GOD just laughs because that may not be the path that HE has chosen for you. That was my first professional knock down. It was time for round two, so I bushed myself off and got to living again. I have a always been a tactile/kinetics person. I always learned better by doing. There was not much that I could not learn by watching. I always had the mindset that I could make something better. When I stumbled into my new career of working security I thought OK lets try something new. I began my career with Security-Link from Amritech in April of 1998. I took to it also like a duck takes to water. I rose so fast in that company. I went from being a $8.00 per hour dispatcher in Mass Market to and Operational Supervisor making $16.75. I was not just satisfied to just sitting in a chair I wanted more for my life. Then the second professional knockdown came. I was involved in a office scandal unbeknownst to me I was made the scapegoat and ended up losing my position trying to save other people. I ended up having to relocate to another call center, but the news of the scandal followed me. The lesson I learned is you are judged by the company you keep. It taught me never to get too close with those that I worked with. The third professional knockdown came of my own making. I think I was dealing with a major depression because I would go get the job and then not show up. That went on for a few months. I think I had to just go through that "bad patch" so to speak. Then I saw and ad in the paper for working in a small call center. I knew I wanted the job because I went to interview on a Sunday. When I met Jeff Goodall. I thought to myself he was so handsome he actually made me stutter. I don't know why he was having that effect on me. We seemed to fit together like hot grits and butter. Jeff was a very cool boss and he went out of his way to do for me and I will always love him for that. He was cool to talk to about anything. Jeff was fun to be around. He will always be "Big Worm" and I will always be begging Felicia to him. I had only been on that new job with Envera for two weeks when my final professional knockdown drag-out fight began. I developed pneumonia and was off from work for 6 weeks and I was so scared to lose my job, but Jeff was a kick ass cool boss, his major concern was for me to get better. After getting diagnosed in 2009 with heart failure I didn't know that that would be the last time I would ever walk through those doors. I still talk to Jeff from time to time, but it's never been the same. The relationships I have lost due to my being ashamed to be seen like this is something that I will have to work through.