The Face of Heart Failure

There's a lot of pain behind that soft smile of mine. Today was a very difficult day. My anxiety got the better of me and I was caught up in a whirlwind of emotions. Dr. Ellis is my new primary care physician. I think I will be able to build a good rapport with her if I could just get my nerves out of the equation. She has done nothing to me, but my fear of her is very real to me. I have to see a hematologist, and doctor for my rheumatoid arthritis my thyroid needs to be checked. She also is going to make sure that I get my C-pap machine for my sleep apnea. She says this may help with my heart failure as well. None of the other doctors I saw have even remotely mentioned that if my sleep apnea was treated that it may help my heart function better. I think today I was just on information overload and having my cycle today definitely did not help matters any. I hope having to see all of these specialist that it won't derail my plans, but then again people make plans and God jus...

There are times when you have to take your own personal inventory. Not once but several times over the course of your life. For starters as we age and progress through this life our priorities change. The things that mattered to me when I was a child are not the same things that mattered to me as a teenager nor when I became an adult. Having a new set of experiences during those times most definitely reshaped the things that I cared about. Of course there will always be those core things that will always be the mainstays in my way of thinking, those are just hardwired into my DNA. My true nature has always been to worry excessively about things. Most born under my zodiac sign will attest to that fact. Most Virgos are headstrong and willful. If someone cannot give us a valid reason for why we should not do something, that is as good as saying, " go ahead and do it". When I first began this experiment in breaking my own heart with Tony it was the culmination of a girlhood c...

The doctors have often counted her out, but God has always proven them wrong about my momma

When the body experiences a trauma the mind will sometimes bury those memories to help you cope with those things. A schitoma is the mind reliving that trauma as if it just occurred it does not know the time frame it just processes the information it is given. Sometimes you can be so heartbroken about situations that you simply cannot change and it creates this void in your life. I have always tried to fix the errors in my life, and when I can't, it becomes a compulsion with me to right those wrongs. I have great difficulty with truly surrendering to the fact sometimes there can be no resolution.

I feel like I am on a merry-go-round when I have to keep explaining why I have to lose weight. Instead of just listening to me some men that I have encountered have gone on to say they don't believe I have a heart condition and I shouldn't be losing weight because I don't need to. They have no idea what this life has been like and I really am so over talking about why.

After my diagnosis with Congestive Heart Failure I wanted to find a way to spend time with my sisters and make some lasting memories. Sistabond was born from this idea. It started with just me and one of my sisters Sandra and my cousin Desiree in 2011 and it has truly blossomed into what you see today and it has grown steadily. We get together maybe two or three times a year to catch up with one another. Great food is our commonality and encouraging each other. We always close with prayer and what each of us is grateful for. I love my my sisters and I look forward to us always being close, even when distance my separate us. There is always love

I have had to fight my way back from a lot of adversity. There are times when I really wanted to give up and say, okay Lord, just relieve my body of this affliction and lets just be done with this life. I am so glad that my Father God knew better than to call me home prematurely. There is still a work to be done and I lost sight of things getting caught up in my own life and the things that I felt I had no control over. I walked away yet again from a man that I thought I would love forever, but the way this thing is winding down there is really no such thing as forever with anyone. You have to love people while they are in your life for however long they may be in your life. I have said it before, that no one is going to make it out of this life alive. You cannot force people to stay in your life, and then there are the ones who will bleed your life until there is nothing left to be given, Takers are the hardest ones to decipher, because they don't necessarily reveal who they are ...