The Face of Heart Failure

Got on my scale today went from my starting weight at 363 to 318 I was shocked when I heard the number especially since I'm just three days post op. I'm excited but it did come as quite shock to have lost that much weight in such a short time. I can't wait for the rest of my transformation. It's taking some getting used to dealing with the smaller portions. I had some wonton soup and I tried eating the wonton dumplings, I chewed them up and spit them out because I didn't want to make myself sick. This is still a process for me, Dr. Rekkas gave me this new opportunity so I can't waste it. This is my new normal.

With my surgery day fast, I am saying goodbye to being obese and unhappy. I am looking forward to being healthy and getting my life back on track. I am hoping on my weight loss journey to lose enough to be healthy enough to go back to school to get my Licensed Practical Nurse and go back to work on the 11-7 shift. I wanted to be a nurse in my early twenties, but maybe God didn't think I was ready for that responsibility back then, but now 30 years later I'm 52 now and my maturity level is different than it was back then. I am truly excited about watching my body transform.

I got married February 13th, 2022 but it was yesterday that for all intents and purposes I reluctantly and officially became Mrs. Troupe. I carried my first husband's last name for well over a decade because I knew what a major hassle it was going to be to change it. He on the other hand was happier than a sissy at Raiford. I felt like part of me relented because he just kept harping on my not having his last name. When in actuality I wanted my father's name back. I should have never changed it to begin with. I was mad with Tony when I married Earnest and Earnest only married me to try and get his hands on money that was left to him by his grandmother, but he had to get and stay married for at least a year which is why he kept using delaying tactics trying to make it to that one year mark but our divorce was final and I was free. I should have gotten my daddy's name back then, and not let go of it again. I think deep down I just didn't want to be legally known as Mrs. T

This our wedding day and believe it or not I am clinging to the hopes that this  would be different instead it's just more of the same. The only difference is he isn't cheating that I know of. He has numbers in his call logs but I am the only contact in his phone. Hope will have you believing in someone's potential self versus who they actually are.

I stepped on the scale at 10:48 this morning and was upset to see that I had gained three pounds. My stress eating is getting out of hand for me. I know what it is but I'm trying not to say it, but I feel it. I don't want to be married to him anymore. No matter what was discussed in therapy I don't want to be married to him any longer...there I said it. It doesn't make me feel bad to say it, but that's how I really feel. To be brutally honet, I don't like how I am when I am with him. He doesn't challenge me mentally, spiritually or physically. The truth of the matter is Pastor wants me to let go and let him lead the household, but when I've given a man control in my life it all went left, and I was in financial ruin. I don't know if she's the best counselor for this type of situation and I don't know if Pastor Frank is either when the root of the matter is we shouldn't have gotten married again.  I went against my own better judgement out

We had our 2nd session of counseling and some revelations were made. I told him what I needed from him sexually and tonight was more of the same lackluster sex. It's borning. There's no passion and it was over in less than 5 minutes, and he's sound asleep.  It takes a woman more time to get there and he wonders why I watch 50 Shades of Grey so much. I'm looking for mind blowing sex. I honestly can't see my married life continuing this way. Seriously he fucks like a horny 17 year old who's gonna get caught by his mother. I can't keep going this way something has got to give. I don't mind his oral skills but I do have to remind him not to be so rough with me when he does that. Now I'm triggered. Shit!