Getting There
This has been an uphill battle, but I am trying my best to hold this together. I have stumbled quite a bit in the past weeks and things that normally wouldn't bother me seem like mountains now. I had to retreat and take an emotional health day. To regroup and to get my focus back. In my haste of having to deal with the upheaval of disability. I had to get an attorney because I feel that it's now time for me to bring in someone who is truly on my side of this equation.
I am also grappling with my fear of my doctors. I have gotten nothing but upsetting news since my nightmare began and I am just overloaded with everything. As a Virgo I tend to carry all of my worry in my gut and it makes for stress-filled episodes that cannot be planned on.
My anxiety is through the roof and I have begun to break out in stress hives again over the thought of being homeless. I lived for a few weeks in my car because I was too ashamed to ask my mother could I come home. Even though she told us that as long as she was living we would always have a roof over our heads and we could always come home.
Now that mamma and daddy are both gone that part is no longer applicable. We all have gone on to live our own lives and whatnot. After you have lived on your own it's hard to go back to living with someone else. I fought very hard to keep this roof over my head. I was relocated after being a victim of domestic violence and I have tried to keep my life as calm as possible, but then life happens and you don't really have a contingency plan.
I have always been a highly adaptable person, but when the diagnosis came I literally was waiting to die. I couldn't see myself planning for a future that didn't include getting married and having children. I said all that to say this. God is the one who ordered how many steps I would have to take. He knew everything that I was going to do long before I had any thoughts of it. But what's so good about God is he is allowing adversity to come into my life to draw me closer to him. I cannot do this without God, nor do I want to.
I am also grappling with my fear of my doctors. I have gotten nothing but upsetting news since my nightmare began and I am just overloaded with everything. As a Virgo I tend to carry all of my worry in my gut and it makes for stress-filled episodes that cannot be planned on.
My anxiety is through the roof and I have begun to break out in stress hives again over the thought of being homeless. I lived for a few weeks in my car because I was too ashamed to ask my mother could I come home. Even though she told us that as long as she was living we would always have a roof over our heads and we could always come home.
Now that mamma and daddy are both gone that part is no longer applicable. We all have gone on to live our own lives and whatnot. After you have lived on your own it's hard to go back to living with someone else. I fought very hard to keep this roof over my head. I was relocated after being a victim of domestic violence and I have tried to keep my life as calm as possible, but then life happens and you don't really have a contingency plan.
I have always been a highly adaptable person, but when the diagnosis came I literally was waiting to die. I couldn't see myself planning for a future that didn't include getting married and having children. I said all that to say this. God is the one who ordered how many steps I would have to take. He knew everything that I was going to do long before I had any thoughts of it. But what's so good about God is he is allowing adversity to come into my life to draw me closer to him. I cannot do this without God, nor do I want to.
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