The Face of Heart Failure

For three years I suffered in silence. I smiled and grinned and bared it and still continued to see you, even though I knew what you had done to me, and I know you had to know because that's what you do. What I got for my pain was to become a statistic, that was the price of loving you. Everything we did in secret will now be my cross to bear. I felt dirty for years would not allow another to embrace me because you had imprinted on me for good. I would never belong to another, because you made sure that I would always belong to you. How dare you abuse the gift of love that I gave you, how dare you dangle your love in front of me only to snatch it away. I never would confront you because of what happened because you would find a way to blame me for it. But in those three years I learned what I wanted more than anything and that was God's forgiveness; so I had to forgive YOU for myself. I no longer carry the burden or the shame. No matter what you tried to do even when you said

Therapy is a much needed tool when life is coming at you from all sides. I have a wonderful earthbound therapist. Dr. James Benedick. God pointed me in his direction, and he brought to the surface so many things that I had long since buried and thought I had dealt with. I urge anyone who is having some major life trauma talk to someone your clergy or a real trained professional or GOD he doesn't charge by the hour and is always there day or night.

I am assuming this is my season to fight. They found a mass in my left breast. I have been having these mini freak out since I saw it. Even Stevie Wonder could see it. I haven't felt any hardening or knots in my breasts so for it to show up has really sent me reeling. I have to wait for a week and then will see my doctor to see what course of action to take and then there is my cardiologist who wants to put in the defibrillator and I have to follow up with a GYN to see what they are going to do about my cycle lasting so long I just have to pray and stay positive.