The Face of Heart Failure

There's a lot of pain behind that soft smile of mine. Today was a very difficult day. My anxiety got the better of me and I was caught up in a whirlwind of emotions. Dr. Ellis is my new primary care physician. I think I will be able to build a good rapport with her if I could just get my nerves out of the equation. She has done nothing to me, but my fear of her is very real to me. I have to see a hematologist, and doctor for my rheumatoid arthritis my thyroid needs to be checked. She also is going to make sure that I get my C-pap machine for my sleep apnea. She says this may help with my heart failure as well. None of the other doctors I saw have even remotely mentioned that if my sleep apnea was treated that it may help my heart function better. I think today I was just on information overload and having my cycle today definitely did not help matters any. I hope having to see all of these specialist that it won't derail my plans, but then again people make plans and God jus...

There are times when you have to take your own personal inventory. Not once but several times over the course of your life. For starters as we age and progress through this life our priorities change. The things that mattered to me when I was a child are not the same things that mattered to me as a teenager nor when I became an adult. Having a new set of experiences during those times most definitely reshaped the things that I cared about. Of course there will always be those core things that will always be the mainstays in my way of thinking, those are just hardwired into my DNA. My true nature has always been to worry excessively about things. Most born under my zodiac sign will attest to that fact. Most Virgos are headstrong and willful. If someone cannot give us a valid reason for why we should not do something, that is as good as saying, " go ahead and do it". When I first began this experiment in breaking my own heart with Tony it was the culmination of a girlhood c...

The doctors have often counted her out, but God has always proven them wrong about my momma

When the body experiences a trauma the mind will sometimes bury those memories to help you cope with those things. A schitoma is the mind reliving that trauma as if it just occurred it does not know the time frame it just processes the information it is given. Sometimes you can be so heartbroken about situations that you simply cannot change and it creates this void in your life. I have always tried to fix the errors in my life, and when I can't, it becomes a compulsion with me to right those wrongs. I have great difficulty with truly surrendering to the fact sometimes there can be no resolution.