The Face of Heart Failure

I recently lost my disability appeal and had to apply for the decision to be rescinded. I have had no income to support myself since April of 2016. I feel like I am going up against Goliath. They are burying me in mountains of paperwork and asking me the same questions over and over again. The only thing that helps is working with my physical therapist. I finally have a new therapist who is actually the sister of one of my childhood friends. I am just trying to get better. I found a general surgeon who will perform my hernia surgery, but I have to get enough of the weight off of me to make sure that it's safer and I won't have any complications. I just want to stop looking like I am going to give birth at any moment. It's as if unless you are elderly or have a gang of children you can get help, but someone like me, or in my situation has to fight tooth and nail to receive help in a timely manner. Because of so many people like patients, doctors and nurses defrauding fo

This has been the first writings in about 7 months. I am still attempting to get my bearings about the direction of where my life is going. I was devastated to have to leave school and not be able to use my diplomas or my degrees. I had gone through all of the hard work to complete all of my requirements, only to be shut out of what is rightfully mine. It simply all boiled down to money. The way the school is set up you are supposed to graduate debt-free, however not may people can pay off their tuition like that in one sitting otherwise, they would be at a major university. I don't even go to my school's website since I had to withdraw from school, it is simply too painful to see others get ready for graduation. I have already had that privilege, but I just want to be able to use my degree and my diplomas and sit for my exams. I know that my FATHER will make this situation right for me one way or the other.

Dr. Mya Angelou once said that if you don't like something, then change it, and if you can't change it, change your attitude about it. There is always an internal struggle within me. I have never been the type to see things as the glass is half empty, I have always looked at things as more of a challenge and get it done. Since I have been that type of person who needs to be hyper-focused on whatever task I was on due to not having a long attention span for things that did not captivate me, distractions where very upsetting to me, even though I am a highly adaptable person, but then other side of my personality takes on the stance of "what now?!" I never wanted to be a fat girl, but a fat girl is what I am. Then that fat girl became an OBESE woman. This was hard for me to take.Dealing with my chronic illnesses makes staying motivated to exercise that much more of a challenge, as some days it's all I can do just to get out of bed. One thing is for certain, I have

Writing about the things that have happened in my life were very important to me. Trying for years to make sense out of things and process the pain that I was going  through. I have been in therapy for years, trying to undo some of that damage, but what I found out about myself is the more I healed, the less I wrote and then, that too became troubling to me. Writing was the way I coped except for being an emotional eater, and that was not good for my health. I struggle still each day with. I have to find a better outlet for my binge eating and the things that stress me to the point that I over eat. I have diabetic neuropathy which causes this pins and needle sensation all through my feet and hands and  makes walking hard and the bad back as well. Exercise is supposed to help with it, but when you are so unsure of what your body will respond to is frightening. This is the only body I have and I have to work really hard to make sure it's running right. I am making sure that I sta