SAYING GOODBYE TO SOPHIA
FOR NEARLY FORTY-NINE YEARS SHE HAS BEEN WITH ME, JUST HANGING OUT DOING HER THING. WHILE I WAS DOING MY OWN THING, SOPHIA WAS GETTING SICKER AND SICKER AND I HAD NOT ONE IDEA OF HOW SICK SHE ACTUALLY WAS.
I STARTED THE JOURNEY TO "WOMANHOOD" AT THE AGE OF NINE YEARS OLD. HERE I WAS A BABY AND NOW BIOLOGICALLY I WAS CAPABLE OF HAVING A BABY. LET ME TELL YOU HONESTLY, ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO BE A MOTHER, BUT GOD KNEW WHAT WAS UPON THE HORIZON FOR ME.
I STARTED ABUSING MY TEMPLE AT AN EARLY AGE BECAUSE I COULD NOT BRING MYSELF TO TALK ABOUT THE ABUSE I SUFFERED AT THE HANDS OF THE DEACON IN MY GOD-MOTHER'S CHURCH. FOOD BECAME A PLACE OF COMFORT FOR ME AS WELL AS DRUGS AND ALCOHOL. BY THE TIME I WAS SIXTEEN YEARS OLD I STARTED SMOKING AGAIN AND DRINKING, ALL THE WHILE SKIPPING SCHOOL TO WORK TO SUPPORT MY SECRET HABIT.
MOST PEOPLE NEVER KNEW I SMOKED BECAUSE I WAS SO GOOD AT HIDING THINGS AND KEEPING MY VICES TO MYSELF. THE MOST DEVASTATING THING TO HEAR WHEN YOU ARE GOING FOR YOUR ANNUAL FEMALE CHECK-UP IS THAT YOU HAVE A ODDLY SHAPED UTERUS AND IT WOULD BE VERY DIFFICUlT TO CARRY A CHILD TO TERM.
HOW COULD SHE TELL ME AT SIXTEEN THAT IT WAS GOING TO BE DIFFICULT TO CARRY A BABY WHEN ALL I WANTED WAS TO HAVE ONE? SOPHIA HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME THIS WAY? THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING THAT MAKES YOU A WOMAN WAS THE ABILITY TO HAVE A BABY.
I CRIED OFF AND ON ALL DAY AND WENT TO SEE MY GRANDMOTHER AND I TOLD HER WHAT HAPPENED AND SHE SAID IF I TRIED TO HAVE A BABY THAT I WOULD DIE IN CHILDBIRTH. OH MY, WHAT A THING TO SAY TO YOUR GRANDCHILD.
I WALKED BACK HOME BROKEN AND DEVASTATED, BUT THERE ALSO BECAME AN URGENCY IN ME. I SAID TO MYSELF IF I HAD TO DIE, I WOULD SACRIFICE MY LIFE BRINGING MY CHILD INTO THIS WORLD.
SOPHIA HAD OTHER IDEAS. I STARTED HAVING THE WORST PERIODS THAT LANDED ME IN THE HOSPITAL ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION TO HAVE TO BE GIVEN BLOOD TO SAVE MY LIFE, BUT I STILL COULD NOT GET THE FACT THAT IT WOULD KILL ME TO TRY TO DO SO.
I WILL ADMIT THAT THE DOCTORS THAT I SAW OVER THE YEARS TOLD ME THAT I NEEDED TO BE UNDER THE CARE OF A GYN, BUT I WAS MAD AT ALL FEMALE DOCTORS FOR STEALING MY DREAM. IN REALITY, IT WAS PARTLY GENETICS AND PARTLY ME.
SOPHIA WAS GETTING SICKER AND SICKER AND MY DESIRE TO BE A MOTHER HAD GROWN TO EPIC PROPORTIONS. FINALLY IN DECEMBER OF 2017 TEN YEARS AFTER I WAS TOLD I NEEDED TO SEE A GYN AGAIN I COLLAPSED IN MY BATHROOM AND SPENT EIGHT HOURS ON THE FLOOR.
MY NEIGHBOR WHO WAS A TINY THING COULD NOT HELP ME GET OFF THE FLOOR. MY SOON TO BE EX-HUSBAND SHOWED UP AND IT EVEN TOOK HIM AN ADDITIONAL TWENTY MINUTES TO GET ME OFF THE FLOOR.
HE TOOK ME TO LAKEWOOD RANCH MEDICAL CENTER WHERE I WAS ADMITTED. THEY GAVE ME SIX UNITS OF BLOOD TO TRY AND SAVE SOPHIA AND MYSELF, BUT SOPHIA HAD UP UNTIL THAT POINT BEEN BLEEDING STEADILY SINCE OCTOBER OF 2017. THEY PUT ME IN A PRIVATE ROOM AND EVEN THEN, I WOULD NOT LET THEM EXAMINE ME UNTIL MY OLDER SISTER GOT THERE. I LIKE THE FACT THAT THEY RESPECTED MY WISHES NOT TO TOUCH ME UNTIL SHE CAME.
MY NEW GYN DR. JULIA KING WAS VERY PATIENT WITH ME. SHE EXPLAINED TO ME THAT IF I WANTED TO TO DO THE HYSTERECTOMY THAT IT WOULD HAVE TO BE DONE BY A SURGEON ALL I KNEW AT THAT POINT WAS THAT I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE TO SOPHIA AND I HAD TO IN ORDER TO SAVE MY LIFE.
DR. KING REFERRED ME TO DR. STACY SOUTH WHO IS A GYNECOLOGICAL ONCOLOGIST.......A WHAT?!!!! THAT MEANT SHE WAS A DOCTOR WHO'S SPECIALTY IS CANCER OF THE REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS.....I TRIED ON FOUR SEPARATE OCCASIONS TO SEE DR. SOUTH, BUT MY TRANSPORTATION WAS A MAJOR PROBLEM. I WOULD NOT ACTUALLY MEET DR. SOUTH FOR SEVERAL MORE WEEKS.
IN JANUARY OF 2018 SOPHIA STARTED BLEEDING AGAIN AND DID SO FOR NINETY-TWO DAYS. I HAD A WICKED SINUS INFECTION, BUT I ALSO FELT LIKE I DID WHEN I HAD WALKING PNEUMONIA. I USED MY PHILLIPS LIFELINE TO CALL FOR HELP AND WAS TRANSPORTED TO BLAKE MEDICAL CENTER.
I HAD A RAGING FEVER OF 104 AND WAS DELIRIOUS AND SOPHIA WAS STILL BLEEDING. THEY GAVE ME TWO UNITS AND I STAYED IN THE HOSPITAL FOR A WEEK. I HAD FINALLY MET A REPRESENTATIVE FROM DR. SOUTH'S OFFICE.
ONCE I WAS RELEASED FROM THE HOSPITAL, I WAS FINALLY ABLE TO MEET DR. SOUTH AND SHE WAS GOING TO DO A ENDOMETRIAL ABLATION INSTEAD OF THE HYSTERECTOMY, BUT UPON FURTHER EXAMINATION SHE FOUND THAT SOPHIA WAS IN FACT TOO SICK TO CONTINUE WITH ME. THEY FOUND PRECANCEROUS CELLS AND THAT MEANT THE END OF THE ROAD FOR SHE AND ME, SHE AND I HAD GONE SUCH A LONG WAY TOGETHER, WHAT WAS I GOING TO DO WITHOUT HER?
SHE WOULD WANT ME TO LIVE EVEN IF THAT MEANT NOT LIVING WITH HER. I KNOW MILLIONS OF WOMEN HAVE HAD TO SAY GOODBYE FOR REASON OR ANOTHER TO THEIR "LADY-PARTS" BUT TO ME THERE WILL NEVER BE ANOTHER SOPHIA.
I STARTED THE JOURNEY TO "WOMANHOOD" AT THE AGE OF NINE YEARS OLD. HERE I WAS A BABY AND NOW BIOLOGICALLY I WAS CAPABLE OF HAVING A BABY. LET ME TELL YOU HONESTLY, ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO BE A MOTHER, BUT GOD KNEW WHAT WAS UPON THE HORIZON FOR ME.
I STARTED ABUSING MY TEMPLE AT AN EARLY AGE BECAUSE I COULD NOT BRING MYSELF TO TALK ABOUT THE ABUSE I SUFFERED AT THE HANDS OF THE DEACON IN MY GOD-MOTHER'S CHURCH. FOOD BECAME A PLACE OF COMFORT FOR ME AS WELL AS DRUGS AND ALCOHOL. BY THE TIME I WAS SIXTEEN YEARS OLD I STARTED SMOKING AGAIN AND DRINKING, ALL THE WHILE SKIPPING SCHOOL TO WORK TO SUPPORT MY SECRET HABIT.
MOST PEOPLE NEVER KNEW I SMOKED BECAUSE I WAS SO GOOD AT HIDING THINGS AND KEEPING MY VICES TO MYSELF. THE MOST DEVASTATING THING TO HEAR WHEN YOU ARE GOING FOR YOUR ANNUAL FEMALE CHECK-UP IS THAT YOU HAVE A ODDLY SHAPED UTERUS AND IT WOULD BE VERY DIFFICUlT TO CARRY A CHILD TO TERM.
HOW COULD SHE TELL ME AT SIXTEEN THAT IT WAS GOING TO BE DIFFICULT TO CARRY A BABY WHEN ALL I WANTED WAS TO HAVE ONE? SOPHIA HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME THIS WAY? THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING THAT MAKES YOU A WOMAN WAS THE ABILITY TO HAVE A BABY.
I CRIED OFF AND ON ALL DAY AND WENT TO SEE MY GRANDMOTHER AND I TOLD HER WHAT HAPPENED AND SHE SAID IF I TRIED TO HAVE A BABY THAT I WOULD DIE IN CHILDBIRTH. OH MY, WHAT A THING TO SAY TO YOUR GRANDCHILD.
I WALKED BACK HOME BROKEN AND DEVASTATED, BUT THERE ALSO BECAME AN URGENCY IN ME. I SAID TO MYSELF IF I HAD TO DIE, I WOULD SACRIFICE MY LIFE BRINGING MY CHILD INTO THIS WORLD.
SOPHIA HAD OTHER IDEAS. I STARTED HAVING THE WORST PERIODS THAT LANDED ME IN THE HOSPITAL ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION TO HAVE TO BE GIVEN BLOOD TO SAVE MY LIFE, BUT I STILL COULD NOT GET THE FACT THAT IT WOULD KILL ME TO TRY TO DO SO.
I WILL ADMIT THAT THE DOCTORS THAT I SAW OVER THE YEARS TOLD ME THAT I NEEDED TO BE UNDER THE CARE OF A GYN, BUT I WAS MAD AT ALL FEMALE DOCTORS FOR STEALING MY DREAM. IN REALITY, IT WAS PARTLY GENETICS AND PARTLY ME.
SOPHIA WAS GETTING SICKER AND SICKER AND MY DESIRE TO BE A MOTHER HAD GROWN TO EPIC PROPORTIONS. FINALLY IN DECEMBER OF 2017 TEN YEARS AFTER I WAS TOLD I NEEDED TO SEE A GYN AGAIN I COLLAPSED IN MY BATHROOM AND SPENT EIGHT HOURS ON THE FLOOR.
MY NEIGHBOR WHO WAS A TINY THING COULD NOT HELP ME GET OFF THE FLOOR. MY SOON TO BE EX-HUSBAND SHOWED UP AND IT EVEN TOOK HIM AN ADDITIONAL TWENTY MINUTES TO GET ME OFF THE FLOOR.
HE TOOK ME TO LAKEWOOD RANCH MEDICAL CENTER WHERE I WAS ADMITTED. THEY GAVE ME SIX UNITS OF BLOOD TO TRY AND SAVE SOPHIA AND MYSELF, BUT SOPHIA HAD UP UNTIL THAT POINT BEEN BLEEDING STEADILY SINCE OCTOBER OF 2017. THEY PUT ME IN A PRIVATE ROOM AND EVEN THEN, I WOULD NOT LET THEM EXAMINE ME UNTIL MY OLDER SISTER GOT THERE. I LIKE THE FACT THAT THEY RESPECTED MY WISHES NOT TO TOUCH ME UNTIL SHE CAME.
MY NEW GYN DR. JULIA KING WAS VERY PATIENT WITH ME. SHE EXPLAINED TO ME THAT IF I WANTED TO TO DO THE HYSTERECTOMY THAT IT WOULD HAVE TO BE DONE BY A SURGEON ALL I KNEW AT THAT POINT WAS THAT I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE TO SOPHIA AND I HAD TO IN ORDER TO SAVE MY LIFE.
DR. KING REFERRED ME TO DR. STACY SOUTH WHO IS A GYNECOLOGICAL ONCOLOGIST.......A WHAT?!!!! THAT MEANT SHE WAS A DOCTOR WHO'S SPECIALTY IS CANCER OF THE REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS.....I TRIED ON FOUR SEPARATE OCCASIONS TO SEE DR. SOUTH, BUT MY TRANSPORTATION WAS A MAJOR PROBLEM. I WOULD NOT ACTUALLY MEET DR. SOUTH FOR SEVERAL MORE WEEKS.
IN JANUARY OF 2018 SOPHIA STARTED BLEEDING AGAIN AND DID SO FOR NINETY-TWO DAYS. I HAD A WICKED SINUS INFECTION, BUT I ALSO FELT LIKE I DID WHEN I HAD WALKING PNEUMONIA. I USED MY PHILLIPS LIFELINE TO CALL FOR HELP AND WAS TRANSPORTED TO BLAKE MEDICAL CENTER.
I HAD A RAGING FEVER OF 104 AND WAS DELIRIOUS AND SOPHIA WAS STILL BLEEDING. THEY GAVE ME TWO UNITS AND I STAYED IN THE HOSPITAL FOR A WEEK. I HAD FINALLY MET A REPRESENTATIVE FROM DR. SOUTH'S OFFICE.
ONCE I WAS RELEASED FROM THE HOSPITAL, I WAS FINALLY ABLE TO MEET DR. SOUTH AND SHE WAS GOING TO DO A ENDOMETRIAL ABLATION INSTEAD OF THE HYSTERECTOMY, BUT UPON FURTHER EXAMINATION SHE FOUND THAT SOPHIA WAS IN FACT TOO SICK TO CONTINUE WITH ME. THEY FOUND PRECANCEROUS CELLS AND THAT MEANT THE END OF THE ROAD FOR SHE AND ME, SHE AND I HAD GONE SUCH A LONG WAY TOGETHER, WHAT WAS I GOING TO DO WITHOUT HER?
SHE WOULD WANT ME TO LIVE EVEN IF THAT MEANT NOT LIVING WITH HER. I KNOW MILLIONS OF WOMEN HAVE HAD TO SAY GOODBYE FOR REASON OR ANOTHER TO THEIR "LADY-PARTS" BUT TO ME THERE WILL NEVER BE ANOTHER SOPHIA.
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